Catsup? Ketchup? Catch-up? It’s all sauce.

Crap everywhere syndrome is what I call it when my children get out multiple categories of things out and never put them back. It’s a curse that every parent is blessed with. Sometimes, amongst the chaos, we find the most wonderful keepsakes:

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She’s a master wordsmith.

It’s mostly word-for-word from a book she was reading at the time. I’m fairly certain the poop part was improv. After we found it and had thoroughly chortled, we helped her come up with some new similes that were not so crappy.

Remember when I told you we needed a new control board for the jacks? The control board came in, and guess what? THAT WAS NOT THE PROBLEM. It ended up being a jack motor, and thankfully General RV was able to get it ordered and installed in a miserable but timely manor. They also dented the camper twice, ripped off a corner, and lost a trim piece but I can’t with that. I had to let it go to be able to function as a semi-normal human and not have an aneurysm.

November 16th we FINALLY GOT TO LEAVE MICHIGAN! It’s not that we don’t love all of our wonderful family and friends, it’s that we were COLD. We headed straight down I-75 and spent a whirlwind few days in our Old Kentucky Home! Whispering Hills RV park in Georgetown was our base of operations again.

We had a WONDERFUL time in Kentucky! We spent an afternoon at the Explorium with Wesson’s friend Harlie and her family. Horses to ride, dinosaur eggs to hatch, a bubble room, and good company! What’s not to love?

And we went to Monkey Joe’s with the always wonderful Nalleys! No one took any photos! We were too busy chatting, and the kids were all over the place. I think Melissa tried to take a picture at the end but the kids protested and that was it. That’s ok, we know what we all look like, and how could we ever forget them, anyway?

I also spent some time at the Fraternal Order of Police Auxiliary Fall Bazaar catching up with a few police friends. Again, no photos. Way to go!

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You got it, G-Town!

Our next home was a Bass Pro Shops parking lot in Chattanooga. It’s perfectly fine to stay in a parking lot once in a while, and lots of people choose Walmart or Sam’s Club. I prefer a good Bass Pro, though. For some reason it feels less gross. Maybe it’s the clientele…

On our way through Georgia the next day we stopped to pee at Confederate Air Force Pad #1.

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I mean, we used our own bathroom while parked next to the missile. No one peed on any relics from the 60’s.

Can we talk about a rooster that needs to be battered and fried? The campground we stayed at in Georgia had the “best” rooster. Instead of a gentle wake up call when the sun came up he sounded as if he’d been a 40 year smoker. CAW-HOOOORK! CAW-HOOOORK! Please, Georgia, put it out of our misery.

You know what comes after Georgia: FLORIDA!!! We had finally made it! The sun was hot, and the air was hot, and the ground was hot…Maybe there are regrets? Nah. The first Florida campground we graced with our presence was covered in Michigangsters. The retired University of Michigan professor in the Airstream behind us was from Lansing (go figure), the couple next to us were from Kalamazoo and Silver Lake, and the young family on the other side of them were from Auburn Hills! We couldn’t have planned it, honestly.

Justin ended up saving the couple from K-Zoo almost immediately. Their jacks were broken and he found a way to fix it without too much labor, and then we noticed that they were leaking propane like crazy! They were thankful for his help and as much as we protested they insisted on giving him a little something in the form of a visa gift card. We immediately put it towards a fancy new microscope for the kids (ROOOOAD SCHOOOOL) and made sure everyone thanked them profusely. They were great people, and hopefully we’ll see them again down the road.

Oh, and my non-socialized homeschool children made friends immediately. Huh, who’d have thunk it.

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Real Thanksgiving went off without incident. I take that back, I burnt the ever loving crap out of the pie. I made pie crust from scratch – which was fantastic, by the way – and then I realized that I didn’t have a pie pan. In the spirit of improvise, adapt, overcome I made tiny pies with the muffin tins. I stuck my petite homemade delicacies on the grill and not so promptly made them inedible. Live and learn.

November 28th we went to Manatee beach! Yay! We needed a Christmas card photo and we really just needed to play on the beach.

Look at those pretty little beach babies! The sun was hot and the water was crystal clear. Many sandcastles were made. Wesson’s wish for the day was to “sit back, relax, and float” and he certainly made his dreams come true.

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We even got a somewhat decent family photo out of the day as well! Success!

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I really like this cute photo of Mara, but she was, of course, being sassy at the time. I had made them perfectly good hamburgers for lunch, and she stopped mid-burger to say:

Mara: Where do they sell brisket?

Me: Texas

Mara: Next time we move, move us STRAIGHT to Texas.

WELL! SOMEbody knows what she wants. I don’t blame her, I could use a brisket burger right about now too.

 

 

Justin and I had been collecting beer and tiny liquor bottles up until this point so that we could make each other adult advent calendars!

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That’s Justin’s collection. My tiny accumulation of bottles ended up as ornaments on the Christmas tree.

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We’re currently down to the last two and have only poured out two a piece. That’s a pretty darn good track record. Some may say that you never pour out a beer. We are of the party that says life is too short for shitty alcohol. Pour it out and move on to something better! That’s how you can tell that we aren’t alcoholics. *wink*

New destinations mean new places to ride our bicycles. Justin had been out a few times before I decided to head out myself and see what the area offered. I ended up in a nature preserve surrounded by vultures. I know, I know. That escalated quickly. One of the key features of this area is ALL OF THE BUZZARDS. Wauchula, Florida must be where all the good carrion is rotting. These bastards, however, were not moving out of my way when I wanted to ride my bike down the path.

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It’s not that I was necessarily scared of them, it’s that 1) I thought that if they all took off at once I’d be collateral damage and take a wing to the face or something or B) I would scare them and then they would projectile vomit on me. Yes, that’s a thing. No, I do not want to experience it first hand. I sacrificed this man to them and waited to see if he’d make it through unscathed.

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Thank you, random walker!

While I was waiting I saw this sign next to the alligator infested lake:

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I bet the buzzards did it.

Good news! He lived! He cleared the path and I triumphantly rode my bicycle through the area and beyond. On the way back the vultures were having some sort of meeting with a (live) cat – in the middle of the path AGAIN. I did what I should have done the first time and made a lot of noise, and everybody begrudgingly trotted away.

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Note to self: put an air horn on your Amazon Wish List.

It’s, like, three sleeps ’til Christmas right now and I’m missing all of December on the ol’ blog so you know that you’ll be hearing from me again tomorrow.

I’ll leave you with this found masterpiece, fresh from the depths of Florida:

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Ruff, indeed.

You’re welcome.

Six States and Two Planets Probably

April 23rd we finally managed to escape the borders of Oklahoma. We headed through Kansas for a hot minute then finally into Missouri! Our next target was a little campground near Steelville. I was just referencing google maps and discovered that the worlds second largest rocking chair is located nearby the campground in Cuba, MO. Dangit! What a missed opportunity!

Before we could get there and miss out on the rocker we had to pass through Uranus. Uranus has all sorts of things going on. It must take a lot of coaxing to get people to stop in Uranus because it seems like Uranus spends it’s entire budget on billboards. We saw Uranus for at least a hundred miles.

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We stopped in Springfield around lunch time so that we could visit the Grandaddy of all Bass Pro Shops. Justin has wanted to go there since he was a small child. We’re out here making dreams come true, people!

The store is AMAZING! There were water features everywhere with waterfalls, big and small tanks, and ponds outside. Some of the store looked like the underside of a lake complete with duck butts, the bottoms of boats, legs dangling off the dock, and lures in the water. In one corner of the ceiling lake they had a giant alligator snacking on big ol’ fish.

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They even had some LIVE critters mixed in with all the taxidermy. The biggest fish (an alligator gar) in the whole Bass Pro system lives here along with turtles, alligators, and even a few ducks. They also had some hall of fame type displays, sporting arms history museum, a few restaurants, and a feeding demonstration in one of the large fish tanks. The presenter’s name was Scuba Steve.

Justin’s boyhood dreams were met that day! There was almost too much to look at and I was completely unprepared for how involved it would be. I’m definitely adding it to the list of places I wouldn’t mind visiting again in the future.

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Get him, brother!

We rolled into our new campground with sugar plums dancing in our heads.

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The whole place was decked out in Christmas paraphernalia. Poor Rudolph’s head was mounted on the wall in the office. There was a Santa approved miniature golf course.

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We stayed here for two nights, and by the end of the second day we’d been adopted.

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Her name was Midnight and she was the best girl. She napped in front of our camper for most of the time we were there. When we sat outside she’d sit next to us just like the above photo, and if we stopped petting her she’d protest. I sneaked her some ground turkey when I was making dinner because she totally deserved it. The woman who helped run the park said that Midnight had been abandoned and was a stray that never left. Justin offered (read pleaded) to take her but the gentlemen who owned the place was too attached. How could he not be? She’s a great old pup. It was for the best because we really didn’t need a dog in that moment. We would have made an exception for her.

The 25th brought us three states and two time zones again! We started in Missouri, traversed Illinois, and landed in Indiana. We actually got into the campground in Indiana a day before it was officially open. When I called to make a reservation the manager initially said no. About an hour later she called me back and said she’d decided that it wouldn’t hurt anything to let us in early. Success!

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The spot we were in was actually a seasonal spot that someone had been kicked out of when he’d altered the post and installed his own 50amp outlet. He had a pretty sweet spot! We never had any neighbors while we were there, and one side of the camper looked out to the nothingness. We were there for a week, which was great because I got hit with a terrible stomach bug the first night and spent a few days rolling around in agony. It had gotten Wesson in Elk City, OK and Mara puked in the truck on the way to Candy Cane. At least it took us out one at a time. Justin, of course, never got it because he’s a jerk who never gets the sickness.

Indiana had the very worst weather that we’d encountered. It was storm after storm after storm, sometimes a tornado would pass by in the next town, other times it was soul clattering thunder and lightning. At one point we pulled the bedroom slides in because we couldn’t take the rain banging on the ceiling while we were sleeping. By the end of the week we couldn’t wait to get out of the weather.

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We spent one night at one of our favorite Bass Pro Shops in Rossford, Ohio. The people who work here are stellar and I highly recommend living in their parking lot.

We’ll talk about our arrival in Michigan tomorrow because I want to end on a high note (hint: there was lots of mud). Airbrushed murals on the back of RV’s are my not-so-secret favorite thing. Enjoy these majestic road warriors I collected on the way to the mitten state. Happy Camping!